Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
im holly from the hills drunk
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
