hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
