i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
