You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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