This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Randomize
