I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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