There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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