If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
