i think i have herpe
just one?
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
