what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
