My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
