She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
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Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
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IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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