anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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