On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I have demons in me.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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