I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
