we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
