That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
this boner is exhausting
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
