oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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