my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
