my vag is so smooth its legendary
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
