i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
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He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
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don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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