My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize