Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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