I'm pants shitting drunk right now
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
