So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
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