I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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