Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
