some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
