the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I could have mohawked her pubes.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
