I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
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