Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
she woke up with a sticky ear
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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