I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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