they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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