my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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