Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
