Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
