explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
