Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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