you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
