i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
