...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
