you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
