I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Michael Bay diarrhea
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
