All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
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I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
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You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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