from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
