No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
