You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Sorry my hands just texted you
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
