I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I'm passing your future prison.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Randomize
