That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
