so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
