tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
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