I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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