I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
