dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
