Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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