The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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