my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
