Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
