dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
