It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
