just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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