i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
