i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
