We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
