If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
It's never too late to be topless.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
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