This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
