we have pet lesbian snakes
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
