Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
