I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
