I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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