WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
