I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I haven't been this sober since birth.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
