I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
