Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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