thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize