i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Randomize
