Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
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