I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
