im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
