Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
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dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
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no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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