I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
