So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
