I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Mom said you looked used
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
