Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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